November 3, 2002

I don’t understand people at all! They tell you that honesty is very important to them, that they never lie, that they always tell the truth no matter who gets hurt; they tell you that even omitting details or not revealing everything is lying and then they turn around and lie outright to you. Where are all their principles? Where are all the rules that are supposed to apply to you? I guess it is always alright when you are doing the lying but not when you think somebody else might be doing it. Ah well … I know this makes no sense to any of you but I had to rant – sorry. I have never understood people and their talk of honesty. When you are honest, you get castigated for being honest and telling the truth and what you are told is it doesn’t matter that you told the truth, you did whatever you did. And if you don’t tell the whole truth or don’t reveal something that wasn’t specifically asked about, you are accused of lying. There is no winning is there? Again, I guess it comes to the whole moral dilemma thing – you do what you think is right and damn what others think. That’s how I’ve always done it and I guess I’ll continue to do so. Now that I’ve got that off my chest …

I watched “XXX” and two Tamil movies yesterday. While I don’t really care that much for Vin Diesel, I found “XXX” to be pretty interesting – maybe it was the combination of Diesel and Samuel L. Jackson or maybe it was all those stunts and gadgets but it was a pretty fun movie. The Tamil movies (as is usual for Tamil movies) were about love and the lengths people go to for love. In one, the guy thinks that the girl is in love with him and so falls in love with her but turns out that the girl actually comes around to see him and stuff only because he has the eyes of her dead love (the guy’s eyes were damaged in the same accident that the girl’s love died in and they gave the guy the girl’s love’s eyes – yeah that’s how Tamil movies run :p). But since the guy is now in love with the girl, he tries to convince her that it’s OK to fall in love again but she says she’s going to live out her life remembering her love and so the guy decides to live out his life thinking of the girl. That’s how the movie ended and I was entranced.

My ideas of love come from these movies and the books by authors like Barbara Cartland which talk about a pure and romantic love. Maybe it’s wrong to look for such a deep, unselfish love in this day and age but what can I say – I’ve been corrupted already :p I don’t know if such love exists anymore – a love where you will put your loved one before self, where you would do anything to see that the one you love is not hurt. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t say that I don’t know if such love exists, because I *do* know that it exists because I know of people who share that kind of love but it seems to be very rare. But this is turning into another one of my maudlin introspections instead of anything to do with software. I’ve noticed this trend recently where I write way too much in a whiny, personal note. I have decided to stop (or at least cut down on …) that. I don’t think anybody is that interested in my angst ridden thoughts, moral dilemmas or personal history – if you are, let me know and I’ll probably start a second journal. This one, I intend to keep just for software development, books, movies and perhaps a few important happenings in my day to day life. At least that’s how I look at it now – who knows how it will be tomorrow?

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Posted by Fahim at 6:29 am   Comments (5)