Miscellanea

I was planning to do some work on the Blog code today but a friend of mine asked me to take a look at an HTML page she’d done since the page wasn’t working properly, and I got sidetracked. She was using a lot of layers and one layer was not aligning properly. Now a simple word of warning, if the following sounds condescending or patronizing, I can only say that it wasn’t meant to be – I hate people being oh-so-high-and-mighty-just-because-they-know-something-that-others-don’t and try not to be that way myself but sometimes I get the feeling that I come across as if I am what I hate most. Well, anyway, this was not meant to sound like that :p The problem she had (and the situation itself) was an interesting one and so I thought of writing about it. She had over 20 DIV layers each nested within the other and when she gave me the source code to look at, I didn’t realize this was the case. I however, am unable to take a look at code and then simply decide what was wrong – I always need to putter around a bit with the code before I get a "feel" for it. So I began reformatting the source so that the tags would be indented and so I would be able to figure out if there were any non-terminated tags. The end result? I ended up removing all the DIV tag nestings :p I realized my error only after about an hour of work and then had to go back and work from the original code but actually figured out the problem – it was indeed in the DIV tag nesting and the indenting did help – it’s just that I’d never seen like 20 levels of nested DIV tags 🙂

My friend Robin, who’s probably my closest friend in real-life, is leaving the company for a different company. He joined about a year after I’d been with the current company (the first time I was with them) and stayed on when I left to go to the US and now he’s leaving. Since I hardly go out after work and don’t socialize much, he and I basically associate only at work. Wonder what’ll happen when he leaves? Of course, he and I are pretty similar in that we’ll both pick up a friendship after years but wouldn’t try to maintain the ties of friendship while we are in different places. So we’ll probably drop out of touch unless of course, he happens to be online from his next place of work :p Robin leaving is going to put me in an awkward situation in a way – it is possible that quite a bit of his work is going to come my way and I might not like doing that. I’m tempted to find a different job quickly so that I can leave at the same time as him (not that I’m not looking now mind you – but currently it’s kind of a laid back search … :p) but then again, I don’t know … I guess it’s best to wait and see in this case …

I’ve been playing "Rise of Nations" the last couple of days and if you are a "Civilization" and "Command and Conquer" fan, you’ll probably love the game since it seems to be a cross between the two :p In fact, I’ve only played the game only twice so far – once last night and once today but I’m hooked! The game play is interesting, fast and keeps you moving all over the place – and I’ve only played the tutorials so far :p In a way, the game seems to be what Microsoft tried to do with "Age of Mythologies" (incidentally, this is a Microsoft game too but developed by Big Huge Games whereas AoM was developed by Ensemble Studios) but I feel that this succeeds where AoM failed. I didn’t like the feel of AoM what with the full 3D engine and the kind of blocky looking graphics. While not 3D, "Rise of Nations" looks better and plays better – at least in my opinion. I’ll have to get in to a couple of actual games before I can tell for sure but considering that I started the first tutorial last night around 8 o’clock and didn’t even realize it was 10 o’clock till I started losing <g>, it seems to me as if I’ve found a new addiction :p

More movies

I watched "The Recruit" yesterday starring Al Pacino and Colin Farrel. Al Pacino is great as always but Colin Farrel seemed to keep right up with him. The story was about a guy who is recruited by a CIA trainer (Pacino) and is put through a rigorous training where he is always told that "everything is a test" and that you shouldn’t trust anything. He meets a girl during training whom he seems to be attracted to and a series of incidents seem to bring them even closer together culminating in him washing out of the academy because he breaks down under torture when his torturers hint that the girl had been tortured too. The movie goes on with the story but what interested me was the whole trust and love issue.

As you probably know, I’m a sucker for a love story. This wasn’t exactly a love story but I was intrigued by how the relationship developed under the conditions of mistrust that they go through. Neither of them can trust the other because they’ve been conditioned not to (and later on in the story, they each bug the other one – each with valid motives of their own of course …) and the problem is that distrust seems to have a sort of a feedback cycle where a tiny doubt can feed upon itself and grow into bigger and bigger suspicions till you are totally sure that the other person is who you *think* they are or that they are doing what you *think* they are. This probably is (to me) one of the toughest tests for love – if you could survive that and come out feeling confident about the person you love, then you are probably sure in your love. Of course, you may say that it would be even better not to distrust at all since trust is the basis for a relationship but unfortunately, we are dealing with humanity here and I am not sure that anybody totally trusts anybody else.

Of course, that starts off an interesting train of thought. Is that true? I said that *I* think that nobody totally trusts anybody else and I realized that that was my opinion. Is that the case with everybody? In my case, I implicitly trust everybody I meet *but* with a reservation – I keep on the lookout to see if they lie to me and if they do, then I don’t trust them from then onwards. Does that negate my earlier statement? I don’t think so because if I trusted the people I meet totally, then I wouldn’t have to be on the lookout for lies – ergo, I don’t trust people completely. But then again, the problem has been that I’ve never met anybody till now that I could trust totally in certain situations. Everybody that I thought that I could trust turned out to be not so trustworthy in the long run. Yes, there is still hope though – I still have hope that there will be people in my life to whom I can totally open up to because that is as important to me as love but only time will tell if this can be so … Rome wasn’t built in a day and trust certainly takes more than a day :p

Of movies and moments …

"The difference between men and boys is the lessons that they learn – my father taught me" says the lead character in "Biker Boyz", a movie that I just finished watching. I’ve been struggling with certain things of late – impatience, fear, apprehension, doubt as to the future … all of this and more has been in my mind in one form or another. Sometimes I find it so hard to find my centre – my point of equilibrium. At others, I think I find it only to lose it the next day and to start the struggle to find it all over again. I guess this is always the case when life is concerned. But for some strange reason, movies seem to be my medium for discovering balance, to gain perspective and to get back on an even keel. I don’t know why this should be so, especially since I seem to find a lesson or a touchstone in the cheesiest of movies. It just is though and I’m grateful for that – I can’t imagine what life must be for somebody who doesn’t have a mechanism of their own to fall back on when they feel lost or troubled.

The funny thing is that I didn’t even want to watch "Biker Boyz" – I was too wound up, too caught up in my own worries and concerns. I sat down for the movie only because my brother was watching it and I needed something to keep my mind occupied and guess what? The movie turned out to be just what the doctor ordered. Now the thing is, I know that a movie always helps me but in this particular instance, I wasn’t even thinking of watching one because I just didn’t feel like it but now I feel much more calmer, more serene. So what was the movie about? It’s about this young guy who is out to prove himself in the world of bikers. It is a tale as old as time itself in certain ways and yet, certain elements in the movie did manage to evoke a response in me. Am I going to go into the whole movie? Heck no :p Let me just say that it has an interesting soundtrack, that I enjoyed the story and if you love bikes and bikers, you probably might enjoy it too – oh yeah, it’s got Laurence Fishburn in it :p And that reminds me of one thing that I’m going to miss soon – not being able to be at a premiere of "Matrix Reloaded". Darn it, one of the few movies that I anticipate for so long and I can’t watch it till it trickles down here through the pirated channels. Ah well … I’m off to go watch another movie 🙂

Of movies and Marvel …

I’ve been hearing about “X2” from several people – my friend Meraash had gone to see it and he says they’ve changed the story but didn’t have time to go into details. I for one will not be watching the movie (I still haven’t seen the first movie either …) since I hate watching movies based on a comic since they always seem to get it wrong – or decide to mess with the storyline to make it more acceptable .. or something :p I hate that! I grew up with comics, I know the life-stories of most of these characters as if they were my buddies, why would I want a new life story for them now? I know I’ve gone into this before but each time I see a new movie with a changed storyline, I feel like ranting :p I still haven’t seen “Spider-man” (I don’t like the organic web shooters :p), I’ve seen maybe one Superman movie and that was on TV and I’ve seen one BatMan movie because I was on a plane when they showed it and there was nothing else to watch :p Oh yeah, I’ve seen one of the early Captain America movies but that was a really crappy Cappy – pardon the expression :p

I’ve never been that much of an “X-Men” fan. Don’t get me wrong, I love some of the characters – Logan is a firm favorite even before they revealed his origin and I came to like him even more. I just like him because to me he embodies the human spirit in many ways. I love the relationships between Jean Grey and Scott (but for some reason I like them best as Redd and Slym in the far future when Apocalypse reigns supreme and they are trying to protect their son – Nathan Dayspring Summers, the boy who will be Cable) and between Remy and Rogue. I like the relationships between the different teams and I for some reason, am fascinated by Cable but this is just one facet of the Marvel universe.

I grew up with a different facet – that of Norse god’s fighting frost giants with mighty Thor and his mystic Uru hammer Mjolnir on their side; Captain America, Union Jack, the original Human Torch and others in the Invaders fighting off Nazi forces in World War II Europe; Dr. Stephen Strange, HellCat, NightCrawler and the Hulk as part of the Defenders going strange places and enjoying incredible adventures. These are the things I remember. I remember Spider-man, who has always been numero uno in the Marvel universe for me – his wise-cracking, utterly irreverent ways. I remember Tony Stark, struggling with alcoholism, burdened by a heart which could stop beating at any time and who I hoped one day would find true love with Pepper Potts (what a name BTW :p) – of course that was not to be since she married Happy and then divorced him … I don’t know what’s happening now.

I’ve always enjoyed the Marvel universe and have always gone back till the last time. When Peter David left the Hulk, when they killed off Betty Banner and when MJ was killed/lost whatever, I didn’t much like that universe at all. True, the writers were probably simply trying to keep things moving and to keep things real but who wants reality? I want the romance, the drama and the sentimentality darn it! I want to go back to the days of Don Blake and Jane Foster being in love with each other (the new incarnation – Jake Olson – had quite a few relationship problems but that was mostly due to the situation he was thrown into the last time I saw), Steve Rogers eternally dreaming of Sharon Carter, Peter Parker chasing after MJ and all the rest that went into making the Marvel universe such a wonderful place to be. I want the stories that used to make me want to read – stories where everything is alright, nobody dies and even if they do, they always come back. Reality is for the birds :p

Of men, women, moments and wonders …

This entry goes out specially for my head fan who’s been asking me how come there have not been any new entries in a while :p Why have there been no new entries in a while? That is a tale for another day – if I care to tell it :p But here is something that struck my fancy … I was out for most of the morning and came in to catch the middle of a movie on TV called "Desert Gamble". It had these three characters who ostensibly meet up by accident (I didn’t see that bit) who get to know each other and as the story progresses we see connections and threads running through the story that connects and binds them. Of the three – one is a guy named Harry who has separated from his wife, who has taken everything of his including his dog and gone off. The second is a woman named Pat (I’m not sure about the name there) who has divorced her husband who she thinks has been cheating on her but still longs to be with him. The third is a woman named Edie who is going to be married and is waiting to meet her fiance.

As the story progresses, we learn that Harry actually cheated on his wife (because he was so used to her he says) but didn’t consider it cheating since the women "were just passing through" (according to Harry). We also learn that Harry and Pat seem to have some sort of a connection after several encounters and that the man Edie is going to marry is Pat’s ex-husband. There was one moment in the movie where the three characters just walk along and talk about their lives and how certain things came to be and you wonder about human interactions and whether any of truly know where we are going and where each person we meet has been and how our paths may have crossed at some point without us even being aware of it. OK, maybe it’s just me or maybe it wasn’t that particular scene as the whole movie but it was an interesting movie in that it made me think about how we interact with all those around us and how sometimes our lives touch those of others without us even being aware of the fact.

The movie ends with Harry finding romance with Pat and Edie discovering that she is actually marrying Pat’s ex- but still deciding to go ahead with it (though she does tell Pat that her ex- has "got a bumpy ride ahead of him" :p). It left me with a warm feeling (maybe it was all that country music since I enjoy country music) but maybe it was the fact that however scarred we may be by things that went on in our lives, there is always the hope that we can find happiness again as long as we have hope 🙂

Of love and loonies …

I watched this made for TV movie called "Don’t Tell Me Secrets" (at least I think that was the title, not so sure now) a couple of days ago that that made me want to write this entry. It was about this woman who is a lawyer and has just divorced her husband who is also a lawyer (at least I think they’ve just divorced – I missed the beginning of the movie). She is involved in a case where her client has been raped and then threatened not to go to the authorities. The woman persuades her client to prosecute and her ex- becomes the attorney for the defendant, Sean. Her client ends up missing, Sean keeps on following her and making threatening remarks and she is haunted by memories of her mother with whom she had a disagreement years ago and who disappeared never to be seen again.

In the midst of it all, she finds love in the form of a shoe salesman who used to be an attorney but gave up practicing law after some harrowing incidents in his life. Her client turns up dead but she can’t prove that Sean did it due to insufficient evidence. In the meantime, she gets threatening letters and she is not sure who is doing it whether it is Sean or the new guy in her life who seems to be so mysterious in certain ways. I will not go into all the details but in the end it turns out that the orchestrator of all this drama is actually her ex- that he wanted her back and so had tried to scare her into needing him. He’d actually unleashed Sean on her knowing that he was guilty and it turns out that he had even murdered her mother because she was against their marriage.

Over the top? It seemed to me so. Why would anybody ever do all these things to somebody that they claimed to love? But then again, I guess that depends on *your* definition of love – whether it is a selfish love where you want to (or need to) *own* the person you claim to love or a selfless kind of love where you just want the other person to be happy, wherever and with whomever that they like. To *me* love should always be of that second type but unfortunately, I don’t think that kind of love is that prevalent. Everybody wants the kind of love where you have the person you love with you – sometimes even if they don’t love you. What sort of a relationship would that be? A very unhappy one is all I can say …

The movie made me sad in a way … for the woman, for her mother, for all the suffering that they had to go through – just because one person was selfish in their loving. This was just a story but I do hear of such incidents quite a lot here in Sri Lanka, where a lover will kill the object of his affection and then take his own life. What kind of a choice is that – kill what you can’t have? Isn’t that really childish? I don’t know … Sometimes I do really wonder about the human race … but then again, I guess these are the things that go into making us what we are and when we are able to overcome all these baser instincts of ours, we will become worthy of the name "human" – if we haven’t wiped ourselves off the face of the Earth before that, that is :p

Guys, girls and the Gilmores

I often talk about "The Gilmore Girls" – it’s funny, quirky and in a sneaky sort of way it satirizes humanity. All the people in Stars Hollow (that’s the village shown in the show) have some sort of a quirk and while it might seem impossible for so many idisyncratic people to be in one place at the same time, if you think about it, you will realize that most of these quirks are actually exaggerations of characteristics displayed by people all around us. Be that as may be, I’m going to talk about "The Gilmore Girls" in relation to relationships, yet once again :p

I’ve talked before about how Rory while in a relationship with her boyfriend Dean, seems to be attracted to Jess at the same time but seems to be unaware of what all this really implies. (Yes, I know I’m talking about characters in a TV show as if they are real people – bear with me … or you know where the X is, click it :p) This is the kind of attitude that I just can’t put up with though I can find explanations for Rory’s behaviour, I still get angry about it since this is the kind of thing I’d hate to have happen to me in a relationship. But first the background – Rory, is a very intelligent girl – quiet, bookish and dreaming of going to Harvard one day – who normally spends her lunch time with a book and her lunch. Dean on the other hand, is your average active teenager – into sports, cars but not really interested in books and stuff. Their relationship seemed to have nothing in common but still they seemed to like being with each other and very much in love. In to this scenario stepped Jess, dark and brooding, always in trouble but with a hidden-side because he’s actually very intelligent and widely-read.

As the last few episodes progressed, it has become more and more evident that Rory likes spending time with Jess and while Dean can see her slipping away, all he can seem to do is cling on to her even harder – which just drives Rory even further away. All this is about par for normal human relations but what I find reprehensible is the fact that Rory just won’t admit to even herself the fact that she likes Jess and that she now finds nothing in common with Dean. To me, it seems that she should simply tell Dean how she feels and move on since that does not keep Dean hanging on, hoping against hope that things will work out and will save him further heartache when she finally does tell him that it’s over – as she eventually will have to. Yes, this is a TV show and a character has to behave the way it is written but then, I think the writing is wrong – or maybe they thought that Rory would be the kind of person who would delude themselves as to the true state of affairs, but even that seems doubtful given how intelligent and mature she is in other areas. So the verdict? I’m just sorry for poor Dean – but then again, given that I’m a guy, most people would say that that is exactly how I would react :p

On the other hand, I watched a Tamil movie today where this guy and girl get married but the girl finds out after the marriage that the guy had had a child from a previous relationship and she divorces him – it’s a cultural thing, "society" in Asia expects the woman to be "pure" (their words not mine) when they get married and while it does not apply so much towards the man, there is a bit of it there too. Even after the divorce, they continue to be friends and both the guy and girl discover that they love each other – another one of those Asian things, you *usually* don’t know your spouse before marriage. Each one is on the verge of telling the other about their love but circumstances (and perhaps their own fears of being hurt) conspire to make them think that the other person loves somebody else. So the guy tries to do what he thinks is best and tries to get the woman married off to the guy he thinks that she loves and the woman tries to do the same for the guy. In the end of course, they discover the truth and get re-married.

Now that is a state of things I can more readily identify with – maybe it’s all cultural and I can’t understand the Western viewpoint but can empathize with the Indian perspective. I really don’t know if that is the case. But I do understand how you could love somebody but yet would let them go silently – it’s because you love them and want them to be happy and while to tell them first might be wise, there is also the fear that you might put an obligation on them to return your love (well maybe obligation is too strong – just that you would be burdening them to some extent) and you don’t want that because you love them. So you remain silent and try to get them together with the one you think they love. As I said, maybe I’m conditioned but *I* certainly prefer the second story to the first …

Samuel L. Jackson and the Power of Suggestion

Hmm … that title sounds like a Harry Potter novel :p Sorry about that – I just couldn’t resist it since it seemed to fit somehow. Anyway, movies do seem to have a great power over me – the power to pull me out of whatever funk I might be in and make me laugh, clap my hands and start doing roundhouse kicks :p I was in a bit of a blue mood due to lack of sleep and an abundance of dreams (more on that on another entry if I feel up to it …) and I simply sat down to watch "Formula 51" because I had nothing better to do in the evening but the movie simply pulled me out of myself.

It’s a tale about a collection of unusual characters – people you would not normally meet in day-to-day life. A master chemist named McElroy (Samuel L. Jackson) who is on the run in England after blowing up the drug lab of his employer "The Lizard" – played by Meatloaf, whose every movie appearance I enjoy if only because I enjoy his music … this was a bigger part than he normally plays .. or at least, I remember him playing – is the main character. He is joined by a female assassin hired by the The Lizard and a British gangster who is helping McElroy and who just happens to be the former flame of the assassin. The movie is violent, fun and full of sequence which just kept me wanting more – unfortunately all the fight sequences were pretty brief. But overall, it was an interesting movie – not a deep one mind you but an interesting one … which is always not the same :p Oh the title of my post? If you watch "Formula 51", you’ll understand …

Movies and other miscellanea

What do you do when you watch a movie and it leaves you wanting to twirl and flip around in the air like in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"? :p I’d had the "Coyote Ugly" DVD for at least a couple of years but for some reason or other, never got around to watching it. I really felt in need of some good, light-hearted entertainment today after watching a couple of intense movies – first a Tamil movie and then "Carlito’s Way" – and so gave "Coyote Ugly" a try. For some reason or other, Piper Perabo reminds me so much of Jennifer Garner of "Alias" fame and while I enjoyed the movie and the soundtrack even more, I couldn’t totally get into it … OK, Piper Perabo’s appearance had no relation to my enjoyment of the movie – pardon my sentence structure :p It did however leave me thinking about a few things.

The first thing was basically related to the story line – "Coyote Ugly" is about a songwriter who goes to New York in search of her dreams. I’d just heard a couple of days back from my friend Meraash who’s also in New York currently and following his dream – to be a film maker. He worked here with me in Sri Lanka and always wanted to make movies and now he tells me that he actually might get to work on "Spiderman 2" and I was really happy for him and proud of him since he went after his dreams and made it happen. However, watching "Coyote Ugly" and the conditions under which Violet, the protagonist in the movie, lives under, I was thinking that maybe Meraash had to live the same way and that I could never do that. That also made me realize that I could never go after my dreams the way that Meraash and Violet did – that I would always hold back either because I was too afraid, too lazy or just didn’t have a goal that I wanted to reach that bad … makes me (or rather, my life) feel so pointless all of a sudden. I’m doing what I love – I love coding and I am in computers, I love movies and do watch a lot, I love writing and do write all over the place, I enjoy music and do listen to music from time to time … but where is the big dream? The big ambition? I guess the only thing that would qualify in that category was me wanting to be a successful writer. But would I drop everything, risk failure and a life of doing part-time jobs while looking for my big break? I don’t think so. So maybe I don’t have the vision or the commitment. I don’t know …

The other thing that struck me is totally unrelated but also something I’ve been thinking for a while now – do television and movie writers write women the way they perceive them to be or are these really women as they are? The reason I wonder is more so because of a couple of my favourite TV shows than because of how women are portrayed in "Coyote Ugly" though there were a few instances even in the movie which made me wonder. The two shows I’m talking about are "Gilmore Girls" and "Nikki" – I liked both the shows and the characters in them when I originally started watching them but recently (these might not coincide with the US episodes since we get them really late – just a note :p) some of the characters have been getting on my nerves because of the way they behave and since all the characters are women, I was wondering if this is just some man’s interpretation of how a woman would behave or if this was actually written by a woman and if it’s the latter, then why are so many women being portrayed as being so bitchy all of a sudden? Yes, I know, it’s just TV shows and none of these people are real but their actions still bug me … yeah, maybe I’m weird :p

Take Lorelei Gilmore for instance – she dumps her fiance the day before she is to be married, gives the guy no explanation and takes off for parts unknown. Then she keeps on leading this other guy who obviously has feeling for her on – yes, the guy could simply tell her how he feels but just as obviously, she should be able to tell that he feels something for her out of the ordinary since he behaves completely differently with her than he normally does. Then there’s her daughter who does not seem to realize what she’s doing or her own mind since she’s got a boyfriend but also is dallying with this other guy, while claiming that it is "just a friendship" whereas some of her actions seem to indicate that it is not. Or take Nikki from "Nikki" who dumps her husband who can’t dance and gets another partner just to win a dance competition and then thinks she can make it all better by being all sweet and lovey dovey and her husband who actually falls for it. Ok, I’ll stop now :p I know all this is just make believe but the actions of each of these characters bothers me and it bothers me even more as to who conceived these particular actions and if they really think that this is how women normally behave and I do wonder if this is *actually* how a majority of women feel/act …

Of love and other matters of the heart

I just finished watching a Tamil (Indian language, also one of the three major languages used in Sri Lanka) movie that moved me and also made me travel back in time. It was about this guy named Hari who is loved by a girl – Sapna – and who rejects her because he doesn’t love her but is in turn rejected by the girl he loves – Raji – because she doesn’t love him in return. Sapna is bitter and wants revenge but Hari is not bitter at Raji but instead wants to continue his life but says that he will always love Raji and want to see her happy. Added to this mix is Raji’s childhood friend (I forget his name) who also loved a girl but was rejected and is now slowly wasting his life away thinking about her. Hari advices this guy and tells him that the best respect he can show his love is for him to live his life with his head held high but the guy commits suicide because he can’t face the fact that the girl he loved is getting married. (Yes, committing suicide on the failure of your love, or even because your parents oppose your love, is fairly common in this part of the world …) Hari says that he cannot respect that guy because he took the coward’s way out. And of course, this being the movies, Hari finally does win the love of Raji but that’s another story …

The movie evoked a lot of feeling in me because I was in Hari’s position at one time in my life and I do understand his stand and agree with him. I loved a girl once for around ten years but in my case she loved somebody else. I did tell her that I loved her (after ten years), or I think I did but am not too sure since I wasn’t very coherent :p Anyway, she and I continued to be friends since I felt the way that Hari did but maybe I wasn’t as strong as Hari and so needed an excuse to blame the girl anyway or maybe it really was so (I can’t be objective since I am involved in it ..) but I felt that the girl took advantage of the fact that she knew that I loved her and would do anything for her still. Be as it may be, I left the country and lost all touch with her and so don’t know how things are with her anymore, even after my return.

I’ve loved others since then but have yet to find the kind of love I seek. I often wonder if this is because I expect too much from love – I expect it to be the way it is portrayed in books and the movies (at least some of the movies – probably not the Hollywood ones <g>) where love is not a passing infatuation and an excuse to jump into bed but is rather a strong bond, a true understanding between two individuals. Almost a linking of minds you could say. A union between two individuals who understand each other totally and want to spend their lives together because they can’t imagine living life apart from each other.

Of course, that does beg the question of what would I do if I found such a person but she didn’t love me? I guess the only thing I could do would be to cherish that love and go on, maybe things will change in the future and she might love me or maybe she won’t. Either way, there is always the memory of what you had and if you stay friends, you at least have a good friend even if you might not have a lover. Of course, I just have no idea if such love exists or if I’m just chasing a pipe dream. I know that such love exists from my end but is it just limited to me? Or are there others who feel like me? Others who search for such a love? Or is the rest of the world just jaded people who know that all such things are just fine confections woven for our entertainment and I am the only naive fool around? :p I don’t know and to be honest, I don’t think I care either. What I feel and what I dream of will always be real to me and even if I don’t find the kind of love that I look for, there is at least the hope of finding such a love to keep me going …