December 16, 2002

Sons and relationships …

I really hate talking about other people and/or washing my dirty linen in public but I guess sometimes you have to do what you believe is right and this is one of those moments. Jen has seen fit to comment on something which involves my son in response to something my ex-wife posted on the tagboard. Yes, Jonathan is not my birth-son but I’ve known him since he was about six months old and I am the only father he has ever known. I’ve seen him grow up to be a four year old and I’ve washed him, fed him, taken care of him, played with him and comforted him when he was sad or hurt. (OK, my ex- will say that I did none of these enough but the fact remains that I did do all of these things :p) Through all that time, I was the only father he knew and still I am the only father he knows and the fact that I am his Dad will never change because *he* considers me to be his father. The day that he says "you are not my father" then maybe it will change but even that I am not sure of because to me he probably will always be my son even if he doesn’t consider me to be his father.

So that might bring up the question as to why I left him if I consider him to be my son and he thinks of me as his father. I guess I can give many answers but none of them would really make any sense to anybody at all without all the background information and the background information cannot be given because it involves too many people and too many of their own stories that they might not be willing to have me reveal here. Suffice it to say that I felt that the reasons were justified at that time … But just because I left him does not make him not my son – he still is my son.

One Response to Sons and relationships …

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Kim 16 December 2002 at 5:33 pm

I have 3 kids (by no means angelic) that I had previous to my relationship with Darin. When Darin met me, he knew I had three kids. He also knew that should he want to marry me, he would be taking on an instant family. We have been married for almost three years now and all three kids call him “Dad”, he refers to our three kids as his. God forbid should something happen to me or to us but should something happen, it would not change how he feels about the kids. He would not miss a Christmas or a Birthday. Separation, divorce or death by no means changes how a child feels for a parent or it shouldn’t change how an adult feels for a child. When this things happen, it is not the fault of the child.

I would hate to think of myself as one of those “whiney ass single mama’s that pawn their sons/daughters off on men”. I am a women that had three kids, met and fell in love with a wonderful man who also fell in love with me and our three children. Should any of us been denied this love because I had kids? Would I have been considered a stronger person had been able to raise the three on my own? Should I be denied the wonderful love of a man because I already had children? The answer to those questions is NO!

I have no idea the circumstances of the lives of the three of you, nor do I want or need to know but one other thing I know both from my childhood and that of my children’s – sperm DOES NOT make one a Father/Dad, it may create a wonderful being but that’s where it ends. It takes the love, patience, caring and time from a human to become a Father/Dad.

I hope that in some way, the three of you work things out.

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